Correspondence Exercise




Exercise Contents
Writing Guidelines
Writing Courses

Exercise Links:
 Structure
Language
Illustration


Given below are four beginnings to pieces of correspondence. Each of the pieces of correspondence requests employment with a company or laboratory. For each beginning, consider the following areas: structure, language, format, and mechanics (grammar, punctuation, and usage). Identify the area that is the weakest. The purpose of this exercise is two-fold: (1) to help you identify writing problems in a more precise fashion, and (2) to make you comfortable with the writing terms structure, language, format, and mechanics. The numbers in parentheses refer to page numbers in The Craft of Scientific Writing. Note: Please do not override this document's choice of font colors.


These exercises work best with Netscape.





  1. The first piece of correspondence is weakest in the following area:
    1. Structure (pages 173-176)
    2. Language (pages 176-177)
    3. Format (pages 221-227)
    4. Mechanics: grammar, punctuation, and usage (pages 257-273)



    5939 Seminole Court, #206
    Madison, Wisconsin 53711
    November 13, 1997

    Dr. Patricia N. Smith
    Director of Personal
    Sandia National Laboratories
    Livermore, California 94550

    Dear Dr. Smith:

    In last months Engineering Educator, Sandia National Laboratories advertised positions beginning next June for undergraduate researchers. Would you please consider me for one of those positions? I am a junior in chemical engineering at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, however, I am deeply interested in engineering research. Because Sandia is such a prestigious research laboratory, I would like a position at one of it's facilities. I have two major areas of research interests; how chemical kinetics effects the design of reactors and heat transfer.















































    #1. Congratulations, you have made an accurate choice.

    Discussion: weak in grammar, punctuation, and usage. This piece of correspondence has the following mechanical errors:

    1. Wrong word: "personal" should be "personnel"
    2. Possessive error: the word "months" should be "month's"
    3. Run-on sentence: "however" is not a coordinating conjunction
    4. Wrong word: "it's" should be "its"
    5. Incorrect use of semi-colon in fourth sentence--writer should use a colon
    6. Wrong word: "effects" should be "affects"
    7. Faulty parallelism: "heat transfer" is not parallel to first item in list, "how chemical..."



  2. The second piece of correspondence is weakest in the following area:
    1. Structure (pages 173-176)
    2. Language (pages 176-177)
    3. Format (pages 221-227)
    4. Mechanics: grammar, punctuation, and usage (pages 257-273)


    Back to Top of Page



    Engine Research Center
    College of Engineering
    University of Wisconsin
    November 13, 1997

    To:

    Professor Karen Thole

    From:

    Jim Harrington JTH

    Subject:

    A Small Request


    I am an undergraduate research assistant working with Professor Farrell in the Engine Research Center. My project is the interaction of gas-fuel phase injection with a strong swirling flow. This project also considers the effect of swirl on homogeneous combustion. In this work we have made two-component velocity measurements using laser doppler velocimetry. I have enjoyed the experimental work in the Engine Research Center very much, and if I were interested in automobile engines, I would continue my work there after my baccalaureate degree. The truth of the matter, though, is that I am much more interested in airplane engines, particularly the new generation of gas turbine engines used on fighter jets.















































    #2. Congratulations, you have made an accurate choice.

    Discussion: weak in structure. This piece of correspondence has the following structural errors:

    1. Subject line does not accurately identify subject of memo
    2. Opening paragraph of memo does not identify the purpose




  3. The third piece of correspondence is weakest in the following area:
    1. Structure (pages 173-176)
    2. Language (pages 176-177)
    3. Format (pages 221-227)
    4. Mechanics: grammar, punctuation, and usage (pages 257-273)



    Back to Top of Page



    5939 Seminole Court, #206
    Madison, Wisconsin
    November 13, 1997

    Mr. Stephen Archer
    Manager of Operations
    The Trane Company
    3650 Highpoint Drive
    San Antonio, Texas 78217

    Dear Mr. Archer:

    Are you inundated with job application requests? Well, I'm sorry to say that this letter is yet another for your pile, but here it goes: I am a forthcoming graduate in mechanical engineering and am interested in the design position that you have advertised for your company. Academically, I stand well within the top half of my class. A failure to be glib on exams prevented me from qualifying for Tau Beta Pi. However, this failure has not prevented me from succeeding in any other endeavor.
















































    #3. Congratulations, you have made an accurate choice.

    Discussion: weak in language. This piece of correspondence has the following language errors:

    1. Tone in first two sentences is cute--not the appropriate attitude for a job application letter
    2. Tone goes out of control in fourth sentence--"failure to be glib" smacks of sour grapes
    3. Last word of paragraph is pretentious



    Back to Top of Page




  4. The fourth piece of correspondence is weakest in the following area:
    1. Structure (pages 173-176)
    2. Language (pages 176-177)
    3. Format (pages 221-227)
    4. Mechanics: grammar, punctuation, and usage (pages 257-273)



    2116 MONROE STREET
    MADISON, WISCONSIN 53711
    SEPTEMBER 15, 1997

    DR. DAVE CABE
    MANAGER
    AIR QUALITY SERVICES
    1515 CAPITAL OF TEXAS HIGHWAY SOUTH
    AUSTIN, TEXAS 78746

    DEAR DR. CABE,

    PROFESSOR KEN POTTER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MADISON RECOMMENDED YOU AS A CONTACT PERSON FOR A POSSIBLE POSITION AT AIR QUALITY SERVICES. I AM A GRADUATING SENIOR IN CIVIL ENGINEERING WITH A MAJOR EMPHASIS IN ENVIRONMENTAL ENGINEERING (PLEASE SEE THE ENCLOSED RESUME). THE PAST TWO SUMMERS I HAVE GAINED EXPERIENCE WORKING WITH MONTGOMERY WATSON, A COMPANY THAT SPECIALIZES IN GROUNDWATER TESTING. BECAUSE YOUR COMPANY IS A NATIONAL LEADER IN REDUCING AIR POLLUTION FROM COAL PLANTS, AN AREA THAT INTERESTS ME GREATLY, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER ME FOR A POSSIBLE POSITION.
















































    #4. Congratulations, you have made an accurate choice.

    Discussion: weak in format. This piece of correspondence has the following format problems:

    1. Having all capital letters makes the reading difficult
    2. Little white space exists either vertically (between address and greeting, for example) or horizontally (no indents on paragraphs)--for that reason, the letter appears crowded
    3. The comma following the greeting should be a colon
    4. A more professional choice for the typeface exists. While Helvetica is acceptable in some correspondence situations, a serif typeface such as Times is accepted in all correspondence, especially in a job-application letter where you want to convey a professional appearance. In this situation, using Helvetica is analogous to wearing casual dress for a job interview, while using Times is analogous to wearing a suit.



You have completed the exercise.

Back to Top of Page
Writing Courses


Last updated 10/2013
http://www.me.vt.edu/writing/exercises/
http://ae3.cen.uiuc.edu/writing/exercises/
All materials at this web site are the intellectual property of the editors and authors. You are more than welcome to make hypertext links to these pages as long as proper credit is given. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, please direct them to the editor.